Current mood:	nostalgic
Current music:	ruins

it's vader time


i've been feeling like shit all day, so i've decided to hit up this old fucker for my thoughts and meditations on 2005. last year i proclaimed this to be year of the boyd, and despite some setbacks and fuckups, i think it's lived up to the hype.

the year started out incredibly. i had a nice little facade of confidence and i started going out more and feeling young again, as opposed to the hermit that i was in 2004. i even started seeing a special someone i was completely into. but then spring semester started and the negativity began to manifest itself once again. i got nervous, and unsure of myself and lost her both as a friend and something more, and it took more out of me than it should have. i was a wreck for a while, and i tried to suck a lot of attention from a lot of people and it was bad. then i turned 20 and it got worse. i sort of had a quarter life crisis. i'd discovered a huuuge schism between who i was, who i wanted to be, and who people thought i was. i felt like bruce banner waking up from being the hulk for 20 years, except i wasn't buff, and i didn't break anything, i was just kind of arrogant, kind of pussy, kind of immature, but kind of all three enough to the point where it was in need of changing. so i grew up. i stopped expecting things to come to me. i took control of my moods. i took the parts of me that i never liked and tried to squash them, while at the same time finally giving myself some fuckin credit so if they ever popped up again, i wouldn't feel like a failure. i'd just try not to let them pop up. i learned to enjoy the differences in others rather than pick them apart as flaws. i've changed a lot, which i think might have weirded some people out, but i was doing a lot of things for a long time that didn't really make me feel wonderful, so i stopped. i got reacquainted with friendships i hadn't fully given a chance to in the past, for whatever reason, and i got a lot of satisfaction out of doing things i would've felt too awkward about before.

i expanded my horizons musically.
i got a job too.
i stopped talking shit about people
but i still don't really like adam paul.

and from that point on, i had some great experiences this year that i'm never going to forget, even if joel lost all the pictures.
-canada road trip (new amsterdam cafe, motherfucker.)
-being in a band and playing shows again! (well... one show)
-getting flown to new york, meeting world champion john cena and shelton benjamin, sporting spandex, and having my own episode of a reality show. (and in doing so, losing all shame for liking wrestling, for better or worse.)
-writing another student film, and creating it with a team as opposed to being the chief creative force. (there are pros and cons, but it was a humbling, enriching experience, and i got to know some great people in the process... al at CSUN no less.)
-booking a big part in a movie, and rediscovering the wonderful aspects of the film industry (read: being employed as an actor.)
-a shit load of wonderful shows that i was too stoned to keep a total tally of.

and probably more that i've smoked too much pot to remember. but memories pale in comparison to an overall feeling of happiness. thank you to everyone who's had my back this year, and to everyone who's given me a second chance.

and more importantly... my best of 2005 lists.

my top 20 albums of 2005

20. edan "beauty and the beat"
this is where hip hop should be going

19. the gris gris "for the season"
i think the album lost a little something when the opening track was divided into six parts as opposed to a single half hour long suite, but thats a minor nitpick. this shit slays.

18. system of a down "mezmerize/hypnotize"
it's radio rock for sure, but it's got enough interesting riffs and melodies to rise above the muck.

17. gorillaz "demon days"
this one disposed of the novelty stigma surrounding this "band". solid solid solid.

16. antony and the johnsons "i am a bird now"
real men rock out to antony.

15. dungen "ta det lugnt"
not technically 2005 but might as well be. here's hoping hype doesn't kill em.

14. cocorosie "noahs ark"
i just got this last week, but it slays, and proves its usually good to trust allyson goddards taste.

13. the game "the documentary"
the west coast is back, bitches! G-UNOT

12. fantomas "suspended animation"
i like saturday morning cartoons. i like noise. i like "suspended animation".

11. fog "10th avenue freakout"
not as strong as "ether teeth", but he is miles ahead of pretty much everyone. and they made a movie about him this year too!

10. jello biafra and the melvins "sieg howdy!"
the dead kennedys got back together, shhhh don't tell anyone.

9. the mars volta "frances the mute"
overhyped to death, but still good. they need new material, fast.

8. kanye west "late registration"
kanye's holding it down til hov gets that itch again. (it's coming...) an unlikely jon brion masterpiece.

7. lightning bolt "hypermagic mountain"
the most epic rock and roll riffs i've heard all year, and they're still from a mere two piece.

6. man man "man in the blue turban with a face"
tom waits fucked arcade fire and they had an ugly ass kid.

5. hella "church gone wild/homeboy ep"
i didn't like "chirpin hard", but i loved the "homeboy ep", so i'll just pretend "homeboy" got released with "church". these guys give me brain boners.

4. wolf parade "apologies to the queen mary"
fuck hype, these awesome songs exceed it. but fuck the el rey for selling out.

3. animal collective "feels"
songs? wha????

2. buck 65 "secret house against the world"
you probably haven't heard this album. you're blowing it. the anticon set is growing up, and gosh aren't they cute.

1. why? "elephant eyelash"
this album was playing in my head for a couple months before i ever heard it. so it's my favorite album of the year; not just because it's amazing, but becaise yoni read my thoughts. and i fear his wrath.

my favorite movies of 2005

...i didn't see a lot of movies this year. "a history of violence" was probably the best one... but "batman begins" was batman... so it wins!

WINNER:

this year i grew up (kinda), next year i move out.
see ya in 06, return of the rad.

sincerely,


What does your handwriting say about YOU?
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.